“There’s a dance party!”

From time to time, reality intrudes on our valuable TV watching time, and we realize we can’t cover everything we love. So, we’ve asked some of our friends to step in and help us out when Real Life gets in the way. And today is one of those days. Please enjoy this Trophy Wife post from Mary.

First, my apologies for this recap being pretty brisk; technological issues are keeping me from using my DVR and Hulu is VERY particular about pausing repeatedly so I wasn’t able to be quite as thorough with the quotes as usual. Also this episode was pretty focused, with all the characters in basically the same places at the same times, so in general there’s less set up to get through. But! Let’s get to it!

It’s part two of the Trophy Wife wedding spectacular!

 

We pick up right where we left off in the airport with Kate and Pete apologizing on Cricket’s behalf for her one-sided game of grabass with a flight attendant. Megan Mullally’s Cricket (last name Walrus, we can only hope, though there’s no mention of Kate’s dad through out the episode) is unrepentant, still rolling through an inappropriate stream of conscious monologue at a mile a minute. One exampe starts with her calling Pete a ginger (? don’t see that at all. His hair is clearly brown. I actually dated a guy in high school whose hair was pretty much the same color as Bradley Whitford’s, just a nice normal brown, and my friend’s mom insisted that he was a redhead. Everyone was so confused about that.) and culminates in Pete’s line: “I love jokes about my crotch!”

Time to meet the rest of the family! Hillary gets a mouth-kiss (Bailee Madison’s tweet about this was adorable), Warren a gentle face caress, and Bert declared the favorite.

Then up roll Pete’s “conservative asexual parents,” both named Francis/es. This is a bit of a running gag which doesn’t translate in writing but it is kind of cute? There have to be couples out there with the same name. Patrick/Patricia. Victor/Victoria. Alexander/Alexandra. I mean. It’s a horrifying thought, but the heart wants what the heart wants I guess.

Pete’s parents pretty much immiately announce that Great Aunt Margaret, who is 108, decided not to fly down for the wedding. This is a total non-sequitur now but it will be important later.

Anyway, more mouth kisses from Cricket (“It is so great to meet the people who pooped out this guy. Been here 20 minutes and he already bailed me outta jail!”) for Mr. and Mrs. F. Harrison, and a bit where each parent has Pete ask the other a question because apparently they don’t speak to each other. This should be fuuuuuun. Now, off to Chez Harrison!

Kate, in some almost-adorable product placement, is still committed to a Muppets Take Manhattan wedding vibe, and wants to show Cricket the video on her laptop before giving her a tour of the house but Cricket is super distracted by the panini press and a tray of what look like cooking oils and condiments on the counter (“What is this like 20 bottles?!”). Also Cricket is excited about the presents she brought for the kids.

Cricket: “I got a butterfly knife for Bert, some Canadian Playboys for the gentle one, and for Hillary-“

She holds up a red thong which Pete, horrified, snatches out of her hand so he won’t have to look at it anymore.

Kate very tactfully refuses the gifts but Cricket’s offended: “Next time I’ll just bring a loaf of wheat bread. Where’s the bidet?”

Pete and his dad will be sharing a room and while he’s unpacking he tells Pete about his new job. Trouble is, he’s supposed to be retired and hasn’t told his wife. The best thing about this scene is that Pete calls his dad “Pop.” We already taught our toddler “Papa” instead of Daddy but I hope someday he graduates to Pop. I don’t know why I just love it.

Meg arrives just in time to tell Hillary, clipboard checklist in hand, to “settle down Barfa Stewart” and it’s a pretty close second to Dorkatron, I have to say, though obviously not as universal. Hillary needs help fulfilling her list since she can’t drive yet, but Meg deuces out so Hillary texts Diane for help.

Diane is of course unsurprised and recruits Jackie to help her, and yes they’re hanging out together at Jackie’s because Bert and Warren are trying on their kilts for the wedding. They look PRECIOUS, and Diane and Jackie BOTH coo and fawn over them but Warren and Bert are having none of it.

Warren: “We’ve discussed this and we’ve decided we no longer want to be called adorable.”
Bert: “We are best men, not best boys and men are not adorable.”

I beg to differ Bert, and so do a lot of Tumblr users judging by the number of posts with pictures of grown ass men that get tagged with things like “BAAAAAAAAABYYYYYYYY” but I digress. Jackie and Diane valiantly try to stop wibbling but they’re not super successful. It’s just about the most animated and warm we’ve seen Diane for a while and it’s delightful especially since she’s teamed up with Jackie for this episode.

Back at Chez Harrison, it’s rehersal dinner time, where there are actual hired waiters. It’s so fancy! Frances tells Pete in passing that she sold their house (her’s and Francis’s, not Chez Harrison. Perish the thought, that house is gorgeous) 2 months ago, bought a condo in Floridia, and hasn’t told his father. She thinks Pete should be the one. As far as humour goes the stuff with Pete’s parents fell reeeeeeally flat for me, but luckily Diane and Jackie arrive with armloads of shopping bags and Hillary promptly hands them another list. Diane’s miffed:

Diane: “The irony is palpable!”
Jackie: “I know right, let’s palp it down. What are we talking about?”

Diane’s mad they’re going all this work and thinks they only got invited to the wedding out of politeness, Jackie says “you loco”, and then Frances approaches all smiles and asks them to stay for dinner.

Pete and Kate overhear and have a little manic stress moment together before Kate pumps them back up and they “bring it in” for a high five which is great. Cricket comes over to greet Jackie and Diane (Jackie of course reciprocates the mouth kiss with one of her own because Jackie) and then Bert and Warren enter in coodinating seersucker suits (Bert’s is a 3 piece with a straw fedora and he looks like a little GQ child it’s amazing) and EVERYONE stops to ooh and aw at them. They’re mad, Bert throws his hat down, and we transition to the dining table!

Diane: “So, how does one get a name like ‘Cricket’?”
Cricket: “Oh, I used to hide behind the refrigerator and chirp.”

Actual best answer to a dumb question like that, good job Cricket. I still can’t believe everybody freaked out when Busy Phillips named her second daughter that by the way. Her first daughter’s name is Birdie as I recall, so they go together nicely (except for one namesake would probably eat the other, but it’s a theme I get it) and also it’s just a great unusual name.

One of the waiters comes out with a silver tray with a cloche on top and delivers it to Kate, but when he takes the cloche off it’s a mini boombox and oops there goes his uniform.

And we have a stripper.

 

Once the pants come off to reveal electric blue panties, Jackie and Diane herd the kids off to bed (Bert: “But there’s a dance party!”). Meg was immediately into the whole thing, so much that one might think she orchestrated it, but nope, it was Cricket. She at first denies hiring a stripper but then reveals, when the second waiter comes out with dessert…yeah she hired two strippers.

Aaaaaand commercial!

We return to Kate apologizing to everyone and Cricket talking over it to explain how funny it all was, and when it gets tense, Francis excuses himself to bed, Frances excuses herself to write a grocery list for when she gets home, and Diane does the same.

Jackie: “Why are you going home to write a grocery list?! I wanna see what happens!”

Cricket and Kate really clash now, and it ends with Cricket calling Kate a bridezilla and excusing herself to her air mattress with this line:

“Hope I don’t embarrass anyone while I’m farting and breathing like a person.”

as she pulls the tray holding the cake along with her.

We get some cute scrolling shots of Hillary and Frances both asleep in similar positions, Hillary looking like she’s saying the pledge of allegiance, Warren and Bert all snuggly and ador-ahem, I meant ruthlessly masculine, Francis with his sleep apnea machine whirring away and Pete next to him, miserably wide awake staring at the ceiling, Cricket passed out on her air mattress and Kate hiding in the garage sitting on an overturned bucket with a cup of coffee.

Pete comes out too and they commiserate about their parent woes. It’s nice that this episode has put them on equal footing here; so often I feel like the sitcom set up is that one spouse has the crazy family and the other is longsuffering, but Kate and Pete both have leigitmate issues with their parents and are both supportive of each other about it. Kate suggests locking Francis and Frances in a room together so they’re forced to air their dirty laundry, and Pete agrees to try to get Cricket to “stop acting like Gary Busey in a tube top.” (Pete: “That’s who she reminds me of, thank you.”)

Later that morning Kate interrupts Frances cleaning her dishwasher to get her to the master bedroom where she locks them in apparently, but forgets the patio door. She heads them off outside though and informs them that:

“MAN-Francis got a secret job, and LADY Frances sold the house and got a condo in Florida. BOOYAH!”

They’re both unimpressed, they just look at each other and shrug which leaves Kate still crazyfacing about it.

Warren and Bert try to become more manly by shaving in spirals (Warren) and bathing in cologne (Bert). but they do manage do direct Pete outside to find Cricket sitting on top of the poolhouse roof. As you do.

Cricket, with apparently a joint: “I’m relaxing, I have a prescription for it.”
Pete: “Yeah, what’s your condition, terminal immaturity?”

He tries to scoot her off the roof with an extendable pool cleaning net like she’s some kind of feral cat but she just makes fun of him for it (“Guess you’re too short, Dad,” and it’s such a great weird dynamic that he’s trying to parent his mother in law but it works so very very well) until Kate comes out and shoos him inside. We get a really funny shot of Whitford’s legs walking inside like pulling his jeans up as we watch Kate confront Cricket from a perspective shot from up on the roof.

Kate bluntly asks Cricket what the deal is and Cricket answers honestly:

“I see your life! The white picket fence, the lawyer husband, all that shrimp. It’s just so nice! And, like, normal. You must have really hated growing up with me.”

Kate sets her straight about that whole “normal” thing:

“One night I got up to pee and I found Jackie in our bathtub.”

Kate assures Cricket that wasn’t running from her unique childhood to some haven of magazine-ready normality and they make up with a promise of no strippers at the wedding.

Cricket: “Of course not. Just toss me your phone and I’ll cancel them.”

Warren’s showing off his horrifying razor burn to Pete in the kitchen when Kate comes in as well as Jackie and Diane with more wedding supplies. Kate asks what everything in the bags is and Diane kind of snaps: “Your wedding.”

Kate, obviously unaware they had been helping out at all up to now, fawns over them with thanks and praise, saying that them helping means they really want to be there, and how it means so much to her. They both visibly melt as she hugs them, it is SO sweet.

Francis enters then, with the news that Great Aunt Margaret is dead and the funeral is on Saturday, the day of the wedding. Frances enters a moment later with the same exact news, so no catharsis for Pete, sorry.

Back at the airport again, Kate battles tears as she and Pete sit at the gate waiting for their plane. As passengers begin to board Kate notices “A lotta personality going to Portland” as two passengers dressed in what appear to be, like, burkas with throw pillow turbans board the plane. “Weird town,” Pete agrees.

On the plane, Bert insists on playing a game with about 100 tiny pieces instead of using a phone, and Kate offers to set up the board while he holds their orange juices. Pete comes back to say hi and Bert, in his excitement to tell Pete something, spills the drinks all over Kate. Kate excuses herself to the bathroom to clean up when Hillary appears with a dufflebag of extra clothes she happened to bring along. Kate emerges from the rear lavatory in an ivory strapless number, muttering to herself how Bert will have a field day with it, and when she looks up, wouldn’t you know it:

A WEDDING.

Pete, Bert and Warren are in their full kilt outfits, joined by Hillary and the three “lotta personalities” who are actually Meg, Diane, and Jackie.

 

Cricket sneaks up beside Kate with a gentle “hey girl.”

Cricket: “Oh, you look good. Are you ready? Cause there’s a guy up there who really wants to marry you.”

Kate looks up at Pete and dreamily sighs, “wow . . . yeah” and then we all repeat the same when he motions to her and mouths “come ‘ere.”

For her walk down the aisle, Warren produces a mini boombox speaker thing that plays the song from Kermit and Miss Piggy’s wedding in Muppets Take Manhattan:

The kids each spontaneously produce Muppets of themselves from nowhere and Meg smiles sweetly as she films with her iPhone. Yay Products!

Oh, it is all very sweet though when Kate and Pete hold hands and she tells him how amazing it all is.

Pete: “A guy can do a lot with some frequent flier miles.”

He quickly apologizes for what happens next as Jackie takes her place as officiant, but she does a fine job, ending on:

“As long as Pete shall live?”

Pete does, Kate does, they kiss, and and the whole plane cheers!

Kate is glowing: “This is the perfect day, I just wish I could get a picture of all of us.”
Pete: “We’ll get a picture at the funeral.”
Kate: “Perfect!”

Diane snarks a bit about how Pete should have sprung for first class, but let’s be real, this was insanely sweet. The tag reveals that Meg’s wedding video consists entirely of her filming her own chin, upside down.

Pete: “I’ll call the airline. Maybe the black box picked up something.”

Mary is a military wife, mother, and certifiably pathological fangirl. Though she’s written before, this is her first foray into blogging. Her interests include livetweeting, cooking, baking, buying, and – most importantly – eating food, puns, and deciphering her toddler’s attempts to speak English. Follow her #mamatweets, #wifepeopleproblems, and #islandproblems (it’s not all complaining, honest) on Twitter at @maryarrr.

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